Beautifully Broken

Why did I ever make my boyfriend a facebook? He still has not added me. Did not reply to my messages. I think he was just lying to me about deleting it. He just does not want me to see it because he still has single up there on his profile. People are right he does not want his friends to know he is with me. His family knows we are together but that is it. He told me he would not leave me but he always says that and then he does. I was reading up on bipolar and it can make a person really act like they have a split personality. One minute they want one thing and the next they act like a different person. When they get manic they are prone to drugs/drinking, spending, irritable very easy, and can even become delusional. My boyfriend is not taking his medicine he says he has it under control but I beg to differ. If he had it under control he would not act like this. I want my sweet loving man back.

I want the man that introduced me to his family. That held me when my dog died. That stayed up all night talking to me on the phone when my godfather had his aneurysm and was in the hospital. That told me he was looking for the one and finally found her in me. The man that cried on my shoulder and bore his soul. The man that called me everyday sometimes more then once.

I want him back.

Rory went in for his surgery and should be back home tonight or tomorrow. Thanks for everyone that prayed for him. I really appreciate it. I want my little stinky back home soon I miss him. Tomorrow is my doctors appointment so I can hopefully get some antibiotics since I'm still sick. The lady I babysit for did not want me to babysit today because of being sick which I do understand she does not want me to get the baby sick I don't either and i'm coughing a lot at the moment. I'm also going to see about getting a refill for my anti-depressants I've been taking them but last night was the worst. I really was scared I might hurt myself. I had that pit in my stomach and felt so anxious I did not know what to do with myself. I also need my anxiety pills because I've been having panic attacks. Sometimes it feels like I can't breathe. I haven't been eating. One meal a day which I know is horrible. I've lost weight but that is not even why I'm not eating. I just don't feel like it. I made myself eat breakfast this morning because I thought I would be babysitting and my mom made dinner last night so I ate that. When my boyfriend was over I made him some food and ate with him because I was actually happy.